“I’m fine son, you don’t have to do anything for me. I just want to see you happy and healthy. That’s all I want from you.”
These were my mom’s words before tears started flooding down my eyes.
There had been few times in my life when I’d felt so powerless and meek.
Pathetic, according to my own standards.
Despite my effort for years on end, this was the result.
What I heard wasn’t ‘you don’t have to do anything for me’
I heard her clear as day say: ‘you can’t do anything for me even if you wanted, so it’s ok son.’
And she was right because nothing was working.
- I tried flipping shoes.
- I tried throwing parties for tickets.
- I tried making content.
But by the end of it all?
I was 40k in debt, lost all my friends and got right back at square 0.
Actually.. probably closer to -10 if I factor in the elapsing of time.
And I’m not even mentioning throwing away my academic career in the process.
I had to watch my mom suffer for years without being able to do anything significant about it.
And that hurt. That hurt a lot.
Not the kind of pain a physical injury imposes, but the slow, motivation-zapping, soul-numbing and spirit-crushing kind of pain that lingers in the back of your mind 24/7. Ceaselessly reminding you of your failure and incompetence, without even being rude. But by simply presenting the facts.
Why did none of my endeavours succeed?
- No resources.
- Not enough focus.
- No prior experience.
- And one to model and follow.. amongst other excuses.
I wanted with all of my being the power to change mine and my mom’s circumstances, but I simply couldn’t. I had no power nor agency and thus was not able to provide for my family.
And that feeling of helplessness killed me.
“Time to get a job, I suppose…
It’ll provide all the stability I need.
I could even go on a vacation with my mom after a while.“
WRONG!
Honour & Dignity
I hold a strong belief that a man must always protect his honour and dignity.
And quite frankly, I find there’s little dignity in relying on a another man to put food on YOUR table.
This idea haunted me every hour of every day and was my main motivating factor, besides aiding my mom.
How could you live with yourself knowing that your family is dependant on another man’s decisions, work ethic, intellect, mood and choices?
- How does that not haunt you?
- Eat you up alive from inside?
- Terrorize you in your sleep?
How could you be ok knowing your family’s survival is dependant on the whims of another man?
HOW?
I know I couldn’t.
And painful as it was with as many tears and stress and burnout and hair loss and undignifying work it got me to do (cleaning toilets) I still didn’t give in to the temptation of employment.
To address a technicality though, during my most heart-wrenching period when I was 40k in debt and had just recently lost my friends with lots of fixed expenses to cover I did get a job.
It would have been nice to have a clean record, but sometimes in life you got to do what you got to do to survive.
But..!
I only lasted 13 days.. so I still don’t count that as “being employed”.
In the back of my mind though, I’ve always known that real financial, time and location freedom can only be granted by means of entrepreneurship.
Hence my dedication to business.
Agency was the goal in mind.
Power = Agency = Freedom
Agency = the ability to make decisions and act independently.
Agency = your ability to make choices outside of someone else’s influence
- I despised my technology and resources not matching the speed with which I could process and operate.
What is the unique solution, and how easy is it?
- A boring business.
- Smart partnerships
Senses & Dullness
- Employment loses you your edge. You become dull and comfortable, not enjoying nor experiencing the full capacity of your sense and mind.
Time freedom
- Because being employed = assigning someone else the control over your time and activities you do during that time.
Hunters & Prey
- A man must know how to hunt and gather food and resources for his family. Entrepreneurship is modern-day hunting. If you’re employed you’ll always be dependant on someone else to provide food for your family.
